Friends or Competitors or Foes?

Life havent been great lately..Think back of the past n so many things to ponder..Yea, i noe, the term of look forward, don look back to the past..But this memories, though it hurts, yet this is life...I noe I'm one sensitive person, n trying to change myself..N it's all this negativeness is killing me, gosh!!Cmon, not everyone wanna hear us whining everyday...N yet again, I'm losing "them"...I really do feel that..I'm not small gas or wut..it's the truth..

Sigh, one question, how can one become so cool n cold? Anyone? Tell me please, especially guys!!Hey, I'm concern bout everyone, not jus one..But y I'm treated with coldness?!? Sigh..

Rushing weekend...

A very hectic weekend for me I'll say...Went back to hometown on Friday after work, down to Penang on Sunday for Yinz wedding dinner, and back to KL by 11pm bus n reached at bout 3.10am..

I asked to leave early on Friday after work coz my colleague bought the wrong ticket for me..He got me the 6pm one instead of 630 n wrong company!! Initially I asked for Konsortium, but he got me Star Mart..But in the end, the mistake is acceptable coz Star Mart is damn comfy..Hehe..N turns out it's Wen's Dad's Company..

It's been 4 months since I last went back to Taiping..The moment I reached, ee n uncle fetched me to have dinner..RICE!!! Didnt had rice for 4days d..Keke..Hard to get cheap rice in KLCC.. -.-" Went shopping for food, clothes and high heels at Tesco n Taiping Central..Cheap~

On sunday, Chang Wey fetched me to from Taiping to Penang..Drop by at Queensbay before heading to Traders Hotel for the dinner..Manage to catch up with Eric n finally get to meet the mysterious, cheeky Calvin Foo..When he n Eric gets together, I think I better raise my white flag..I surrender..Cekap shooting..Kakkak..Nice to meet u btw, Calvin..So "looking forward" to the Malacca+ KL trip..Hehee...Seeing n meeting my old classmates, really bring back all those memories..Miss u all so much...Hope we can catch up soon again...

Reached KL at 310am..Was rushing back to go to work at 7am but my eyelids got swollen...I suspected the prawn but I had only one miserable prawn?!? Sigh, 3rd week at new job, already take MC..So scared my appraisal look bad..Nvm, work extra hard to compensate today..Hehe..

My frens all asked me, when's my turn to get married?!?Hello...Partner pun tarak..Keke..It's okie, when fate is there, it's there..God has the plans all laid out before me..I managed to graduate n got a job, I'm more than satisfied...God Bless..~

First Day at Work...

Today marks the first day at my job as an Engineer..As usual, every working adult will tell u, first day is darn boring..Hehe..Is really nth to do, jus read n sign lots of documents. Anyway, met my Design department colleagues and the entire company's colleagues..It's not really a lot of ppl..I can actually list out all their names..Hehe..My immediate superior is a Japanese and I have to learn Japanese soon to be able to communicate with him..Even the admin lady, Cassandra can speak Japanese fluently..Oh ya, she was one of the gal who interviewed me and I went to lunch with her today..Found out that she loves badminton as well...First day was a sleepy day for me..Hehe..Hope tomorrow will be better..

Jus For U, King :D

To my dearest friend Eric who always trust, have faith and believe...Pls keep on having all this attributes and please do not give up..

Life is Best for those who want to Live it,
Life is Difficult for those who want to Analyze it,
Life is worst for those who want to Criticize it,
Our Attitude Defines Life...

Enjoy Your Life,
Laugh so Hard That even Sorrow Smiles at You,
Live Life so Well That even Death Loves to see you Alive,
Fight so Hard That even Fate accepts its Defeat...
A beautiful life does not just happen. It is built daily by prayer, humilty, sacrifice and love. May that beautiful life be yours always. GOD Bless.

A poem from my confidante~Thanks a bunch..

Just believe.
================
Love After Lost
================
Waiting for the person,
Your conditions worsen,
Wishing badly for him,a
Outlook is kinda grim,
Not knowing when it'll end,
When you'll be more than friend,
Your heart aches to be whole,
Hand in hand on a stroll,
You feel your love wasted,
Lost the love you tasted,
You cry for him at night,
You want to hold him tight,
But you are all alone,
You just stare at the phone,
Wishing that he would call,
Saving you from your fall,
It feels so painful now,
Survive, you don't know how,
It is never easy,
Advice can sound cheesy,
Easier said than done,
When you feel he's the one,
But patience not ignored,
His love be your reward.
================
- Eric Lee 2009 -
================

Does Love Need a Reason

I jus came back from Malacca bout an hour ago..Went there for a badminton friendly match with my bunch of badminton Kakis...Yes, as expected, I performed poorly and we lost...Sorry, partner...Haha..I still think that it's a good experience and a better arrangement can be arranged...

I've been down this few days for lots of reason..I'm surprise no white hair growing from my head yet..Shud have a bunch of it by now..So many things to think about..Now I agreed that studying life, less things to think bout...I jus wanna share this email I received and it's really true...

Does Love Need a Reason?

Once a lady when having a conversation with her lover, asked:

Lady:Why do you like me? Why do you love me?

Man:I can t tell the reason, but I really like you.Lady:You can t even tell me the reason, how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me? Man:I really don’t know the reason, but I can prove that I love you. Lady:Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend’s boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you! Man:Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful, because of your smile, because of your every movements. The lady felt very satisfied with the man’s answer.

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went in comma. The Guy then placed a letter by her side, Here is the content: Darling, because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you. Because of your care and concern that I like you. Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you. Because of your smile, because of your every movements that I love you.Now can you smile? Now can you move? No, therefore I cannot love you.

If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore. Does love need a reason? NO! Therefore, I still LOVE YOU...

'True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away' Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.' 'Fate Determines Who Comes Into Our Lives, But Heart Determines Who Stays...

Most of the people are blessed with a partner for them to go thru life together..Yet, some are not that lucky..Well, I'll say get to noe someone really well before taking a step further into the relationship..

I'm still praying,hoping and believing but it is eating me up...I hope I won't go cuckoo soon.... :( So many things troubing me..I jus hope someone will listen to me...

Confuse

Well, it was great meeting him again after so long..But there is an awkwardness btw us now...Jus talked to my fren 2 days ago..He asked me to pray, hope and trust/believe?..Half of me, if not most part of me wanted to do jus that..It seems impossible..I miss him terribly..How can I let go?!? I noe my fren gonna whack me in the head soon..Everything u told me didn go down the drain eric...It's jus hard..Very hard..Harder to c that he's happy (i'm not jealous)..Its jus plain hard...I feel sucky...Sigh, I wish time will turn back..We would have been the very best of friend if this doesnt happen...Ain't it? I'm losing my friends..I jus wanna disappear sometimes, wished I never existed..Nth hurt me more than losing my mum n this break up...There's no one that I can talk to bout this that wont complain..Except for my Viva owner friend =P..

2nd Interview...

Is it safe to say that I'm a nervous wreck after receiving the phone call that says I'm shortlisted for the 2nd interview?!? Yikes, preparing for the first was like...Erm..Scary? Now again?!? Wut question to expect wor? How to talk bout Salary n benefits...Haiz..Wish I'll get the job I like... :S Think Ju, Think..!!!!

Why..Tell me why!!

Yet again, it's an unhappy post...I noe u will never gonna read this..U promised that we gonna stay friends..But it feels like u prefer being stranger..Y?Jus tell me why..Guess u gonna delete me from all ur msn, frenster n facebook list..Thanks for the memories..Thanks for nth..Thanks for making me suffer...I will be strong for myself and my frens..Thanks~

First Job Interview

Yep, u read the title right..Went for my first job interview in Petronas Twin Tower for the position of Printed Circuit Board (PCB) designer for Ultimate Technologies Asia..U guys wanna noe smth, its not easy to move about inside the Twin Tower, wut I meant is that one can easily get lost inside the twin tower -.-" I got lost.. :S Must change lift at different floor in order to get to the 51st floor..N that is y I got lost..Hehe..When I reach the company, I was given a test!!!I was not prepared..I cheated a bit..Asked my friends for answer by sms-ing them..I noe I shoudnt do it, but I was panicking..I was thinking wut if I cannot answer even one question..Thanks Eric n PC..Hehe..Wut I tot to be a 2 interviewer and me type of interviewe turns out to be 4 interviewers and me!! 4, can u imagine that?!? N one of them is a Japanese..Jialat lor..They asked so many questions that I assume to test my confident? I dunno..

Overall, I guessed I give myself a score of 60%..Not bad mah hor?!?!Now wut i need to do is wait for a week before a reply from them..

Yup, I graduated last Friday on the 8th of May 2009..I finally did it..I wish that my mum n dad were here to wish me congratulations..But then it will never be..I miss my mum dearly.. So wish she was here..Sigh..

No Directions In Life

Here I am, sitting down in front of my lappie blogging..Was chatting with my fren jus now..I dunno wut I wan in my life..I've lost the directions in life..I jus graduated,yes..But, I dunno wut am I looking for.I dunno wut job I wanna do..I jus wan a person to share my life with..I tot I found "da one", but it didnt work out..He stole the most precious thing that I can offer, my love..We agreed to stay friends, but I dont think its the best solution..We are better off being stranger..I am suffering, yes I am..I dunno how to describe it..Part of me is still hoping that it will somehow work out (Cmon Ju, wake up..stop dreaming!!) :'( I noe it will never be..Our friendship for one will never be the same again, thats for sure..I am so suffering..I've never felt so loved before n this is smth that is hard to come back..The short duration that we were together, it really was awesome and I will treasure it forever..I don understand how u can be so cruel now..I don't understand how u can let go so fast..But it's okie..I forgive u..Mayb...Perhaps..U r doing this so I can let go easily..I don't noe..Not only I lose u as a partner, I lost u as a friend as well..The last conversation we had via msn, I tot we will still remain friends..But u didn even reply my sms-es..(its jus a normal fren to fren sms-es)..Don't give me the same excuse that u r busy..Replying a sms doesnt take u even 5 minutes.. :'( I am the stupid one I guess..He already ignoring and forgetting me, y am I still holding on to the memories? Y am I making myself suffer? I dunno..Maybe its because I love u too much...

From me to you~

Its funny how I really really wish that "someone" will read my blogs, my post..Sometimes, we human beings got no guts to tell wut we think, wut's our feeling face to face...I noe deep down inside, I'm still hoping, but I have gotta be strong in this.. Okie, I am not a poetry writer, but this wordings from a song, is wut i really wish to tell to u...

If I should stay,

I would only be in your way,

So I'll go but I know,

I'll think of you,
Every step of my way,

I will always love you,

Bittersweet memories,

That is all I'm taking with me,
We both know, I'm not what you need,
I will always love you..

I hope life will treat you kind,
I hope you'll have all you've dreamed of,
I wish you joy and hapiness,
But above all this,
I wish you love,
I will always love you.

Thanks~ No Regret...

Extracted from the SMS I received from Eric on 4th May 2009, 0158 hours...

The days we have are short enough,
Better be happy, smile and laugh,
Regret is wasting energy and time,
Makes your face as sour as lime, (isnt lemon more sour?!? =P)
Appreciate all you have with you,
Many you have, don't have a few,
Blessed are those who will realize,
What we have, those are our prize,
Rejoice, be grateful, and do not vie,
You need not regret til the day you die..

Somehow, this sms makes me emo~ Thanks eric for this poem.. There are some bad decisions that one has to go through in their journey of life..But hey,.this is life, rite? But yet, we tend to forget that we have friends that will support us behind and jus sulk for a very long time on a small matter...I am lucky in a way that I have so many friends that I know will be there for me when I need them..Friends, thanks for always being there for me, lending ur ears to me when I need them...

Thank you from the bottom of my heart~

Smth To Ponder~

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by: holding up a RM 20.00 bill In the room of 200, he asked, 'Who would like this RM 20 bill?' Hands started going up. He said, 'I am going to give this RM20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the RM 20 bill . He then asked, 'Who still wants it?' Still the hands were up in the air. Well, he replied, 'What if I do this?' And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. 'Now, who still wants it?' Still the hands went into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth RM 20 .

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE. You are special - Don't EVER forget it.' Count your blessings, not your problems. 'And remember: amateurs built the ark .... professionals built the Titanic. If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it. So true, aint it? I agree with it 101%...

Tired~

I dreamt bout smth sweet the other day, but I woke up crying..Y? As the popular believes goes, the dream will be opposite in reality..Sigh..I don't know wut else to do..It's so suffering..Letting go is even more hard to do then it's said. I don't know y I'm always attracting wrong companies...I jus wanna blend in sometimes..I do feel left out quite a lot..I really do..I don't know whether ppl hate me, or like me, or pretend to like me..Human can be a pretendious lot...I've always think too much..Wut's others views on me is like n bla bla bla....

I wanna learn to take one day at a time..There's so much for me to think now.. :'( Thank God for friends like my jie and di...They are some frens that keep me sane..

I felt that there's nth I do best..It's like I don't have a skill at all..I wanna improve my badminton skill..But then, after 1 month of training, I'm still the slow one..I progress the slowest..I wanted to give up a few times d coz I feel that Ive no potential for that..Everyone is like so geng now, n I'm jus like kanasai...

Sometimes, y I think friends pretend to like me? Coz I sux at advising and I talked a lot..I really really talk a lot..I always said the wrong things..Aargh..Tell me wut to do..I'm so so depressed thinking bout this.. :'(

~Friends~

Friends, they come and go...I've no fate with frens last year..Lost so many frens under unforseen circumstances..I was really disappointed with myself at that time..But I guess GOD is not that cruel at all...I made 3 great frens co-incidentally as well..To explain how I met them n become "family", its a long story but they are great great frens who give me advice n we support each other in everything..It's such a rare frenship n I'm lucky to have them..We become so close in such a short time..Our record was meeting each other every nite for 1month,yes? Hehe..

Year 2009, I am those that never make new year's resolution..But I was ecstatic coz some frens that I lost, we let go of our indifference and become frens back..But yet again, there area also a few ppl that don even wanna be frens back..I sincerely tried to talk to them, but they don give a damn, and I never like this kind of ppl..They do mistake, they "jual mahal" >.< ..But nevermind ler, since I already give up their friendship..Im a strong gal (I'm trying to be one!!) so I never depend on ppl..Maybe jus to make ONE new year resolution..I WONT BE SO SILLY ANYMORE!!..Thats a promise to me, myself and I...I don wan to hurt ppl around me, as well as myself..Sometimes, we cannot get what we want, but no matter wut, for me, I treasure my frens very much..So frens that hurt me, I forgive u all..In future, we might not cross path anymore, but I forgive u all..

Chinese New Year is jus 2 weeks away..Old another year ler -.-" but we got so many upcoming activities which I hope will be materialised..Trip to Genting, T'ganu, Taiping..Hehe..Have a Happy N Prosperous New Year to all out there :)